100 Rules of Life
by 4TAE
Summary: A kindergartener's philosophy should never be underestimated.
1. Rule 1

**100 Rules of Life**

A kindergartener's philosophy should never be underestimated. Immature humor ahead.

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**Rule 1**

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Kuroko stared at the blank poster paper in front of him. Then he looked up.

"Murasakibara…"

Murasakibara looked up from his paper.

"Crayons aren't edible…"

The rest of their table looked up as well, gazes immediately drawn to the tall boy with several crayons sticking out of his mouth at odd angles.

"Wow," Akashi dryly said, just a hint of amazement in his voice. "How can he fit so many in his mouth?"

Murasakibara glanced at Akashi, muttering something about "natural talents" through his stuffed mouth.

"They're delicious," Murasakibara stated in a muffled voice. He held a chewed-out red colored crayon to Akashi. "Aka-chin, want one?"

Akashi glanced at the multiple bite marks at the ends of the crayon. "No, I think I'm good."

"No, Murasakibaracchi! They're poisonous!" Kise slammed his balled-up fists on the table. He begrudgingly waved his hands around, trying to emphasize his point. "My mommy and daddy said they could _kill_ you!"

"What?!" Kagami rose from the table. "Seriously?! That's- that's- outrageous!"

"Exactly!" Kise echoed enthusiastically. He quickly fell silent. "What does 'outrageous' mean?"

"It means something cool, I think… or really really amazing!"

While Kagami and Kise were in complete outrage (and constantly trying to pull crayons out of Murasakibara's stuffed mouth), Kuroko could only stare at his own paper, which was noticeably blank.

Today's drawing time prompt was "What I did during Summer Vacation". Kuroko's forehead creased; he couldn't really recall what he did over the summer. Nothing special though, he was sure.

"Aomine…" He inched towards the boy next to him, trying to catch a peek of what was on his paper. Aomine immediately whipped around suspiciously.

"What?"

"What did you draw?"

Aomine spluttered and hastily tried to cover his picture. "No! It's a secret!" He pulled the paper out of reach, and turned his back to Kuroko. Kuroko blinked and resignedly returned to his chair, dully sitting still for a minute or so. After a minute of careful deliberation, he turned to the green haired boy sitting diagonally from him.

"Midorima…"

To his surprise, the boy with glasses held up his paper proudly, glee evident on his face. He brandished the paper with a clear sense of satisfaction. "How do you like my masterpiece?"

Kuroko had absolutely no idea what it was. It looked like lumps of melted candy, with messy scribbles by the sides. If he looked closer, though- was that yellow _underwear _in the middle? So over the summer, Midorima peed in his pants? He glanced between the strange drawing and Midorima's prideful smile, and nodded politely. "It's nice."

And then, there was the blood-curdling shriek of the kindergarten teacher as she immediately dragged Murasakibara away from his "yummy" box of crayons.

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Midorima frowned. "We're not a lucky seven anymore."

"Murasakibaracchi nearly died, and you're worring about that?" Kise furiously asked, and shook Midorima back and forth. Midorima's head bobbed as he shook, and he pushed his glasses further up his nose as a silent "yes".

"Kise, that's stupid," Akashi tartly spoke up. "You can't die from eating crayons."

"But… my mom and dad said-" Kise paused and withdrew his hands from Midorima's shoulders. Midorima wobbily collapsed on his desk and buried his face in his hands.

"You see, Kise, adults are liars."

"My mom and dad aren't liars!" Kise retorted.

"They are."

"No, they aren't! Right, Kurokocchi?" Kise turned his hopeful glance to Kuroko, who blankly gazed back at him, eyes glazed. The rest of the boys looked expectantly at Kuroko. After a moment of stillness, he lifted his shoulders just the tiniest bit- and shrugged.

"Right. They are liars," Akashi declared.

Kise let out a wail. "Kurokocchi!"

"I'm always right," Akashi remarked smugly to no one in particular.

Kise fell silent, blinking rapidly as he held back angry tears. No one called his parents liars. Kuroko inaudibly handed him a tissue, but Kise turned up his nose at it, displeased that Kuroko hadn't stuck up for him.

Akashi continued, "So that's why I came up with an idea."

The others waited in anticipation as Akashi smiled, pleased with himself. He leaned forward and made contact with all six of the other boys, speaking in hushed tones.

"We will make our own book on life."

There was a moment of silence as the boys took in the idea.

"That sounds lame. Like what my grandpa would do," Aomine declared. As soon as he uttered those words, he cowered- Akashi's smile turned strangely polite, and Aomine knew better than to go against him. He hastily attempted to correct his mistake.

"I mean, m-my grandpa's pretty cool…" Aomine stammered. "I think..." He trailed off.

Kuroko ogled at Aomine's blatant lie. If he remembered correctly, Aomine's grandpa was always dazedly looking out of the window or fast asleep. Last time Kuroko visited Aomine's house, Aomine's grandpa was stacking teacups on top of each other. But that was kind off, maybe, cool?

"What'll be in it?" Kise mumbled. His mouth was still drawn in big pout as he tried to recover from his earlier shock.

Akashi didn't even hesitate to answer. He had it all planned out. "Good question. It'll be a book on the rules of life."

"So, it'll have things like 'Always eat your vegetables'?"

Akashi wrinkled his nose at Kagami's question.

"That is a good example of a bad, stupid rule."

Kagami frowned, slightly insulted. He had asked that question rather seriously, and took offense in hearing that his rule was stupid. After all, everyone around him always told him to always eat veggies.

"And… how many rules?" Midorima asked. "I believe one hundred is a lucky number."

Akashi nodded approvingly. "Very good, Midorima. 100 it is, then." He trotted to the back off the room, towards the cubby that held all the kindergarteners' backpacks. He fished through his own bag, and returned with a leather-bound notebook- empty in its pages. He placed it on his desk, and crossed his arms over his chest with a "hmph".

Kagami reached out to touch it. "Where did you get that?"

"From a very nice classmate," Akashi swatted his hand away from his _precious _notebook. He smiled pleasantly, but the rest of his table couldn't help but notice how his eyes slid slightly towards one of their classmates in another table, who looked like he had been crying. Kagami gulped, and silence consumed the table.

Loud shuffling noises caught everyone's attention as they turned to see Murasakibara walking towards their table, accompanied by the teacher. He didn't look fazed in the least as he took his seat like nothing had happened. The teacher clapped her hands together in delight.

"Murasakibara is back now! I hope all of you have been working on your drawings? We'll be presenting in a few minutes," She smiled expectantly at the seven boys, whose expressions ranged from all smiles to horror.

The teacher continued to awkwardly smile as no one answered- and Murasakibara began to chew on the edge of his blue crayon- ("No, Murasakibara, you can't eat crayons!").

"Of course, Teacher." Akashi cleared his throat.

Relieved to have an answer, the teacher smiled wider and clapped her hands again. As soon as she took a look at Akashi's drawing, she stupidly opened and closed her mouth. Akashi's drawing was by far, the best drawing she had ever seen made by a kindergartener. She wouldn't admit it, but this red haired child probably drew even better than herself. The teacher quickly recovered her composure.

"My, it looks like it's coming along beautifully! What about you, Kuroko?"

"I don't remember what I did over the summer," Kuroko stated, looking perplexed.

"Oh, that's just silly! I'm sure you'll come up with something! Just draw whatever you want!" She waved off his statement and patted his head.

"Whatever I want?"

"Yes! Let your imagination flow freely!"

Kuroko blinked at her answer and then looked at Kise for a few seconds.

"Ok."

After careful deliberation, Kuroko pulled his attention away from the confused blonde boy and set to work with the box of crayons on his desk, scribbling here and there. While he worked diligently on his drawing, Akashi informed Murasakibara of their "book". Murasakibara sat stupefied through Akashi's lecture.

"It's interesting, I guess..." Murasakibara slowly answered. "Kuro-chin, what do you think?"

Kuroko cocked his head to the side.

"It might be fun," Kuroko absently replied, surveying his drawing. He took in every inch of the paper, inspecting it with careful eyes.

Finally satisfied, he put the crayons away.

Soon after, the teacher rung a bell and in a loud voice, announced, "Sharing time!" The kindergarteners chattered and clambered to the front of the classroom, sitting in their usual horseshoe position around the teacher. Kise forcibly squeezed himself between Kuroko and Kagami. Murasakibara lumbered around in the back dragging his feet as he walked. In the end, he was stuck at the very back- but he was tall anyways, so he could see just fine.

One by one, their classmates told of their summer vacations, varying from visiting different countries to exciting experiences. To Kuroko's surprise (which he hid), Midorima's drawing was about his family's visit to a zoo. The strange, yellow underwear turned out to be a duck. How that turned into underwear, he could only wonder.

Kise leaned over and whispered in Kuroko's ear. "Midorimacchi is bad at drawing." Kuroko silently agreed.

Akashi talked about his family's visit to Europe, drawing looks of awe and wonder from the children. Murasakibara didn't present- he spent too much time eating crayons, and didn't leave a single mark on the paper. Kagami described his visit to the countryside, and of how scary some of the animals were. At that point, Kuroko couldn't help but let out a small snort.

Kuroko glanced at Kise, who looked like he was hyperventilating. Kise was torn between his eagerness to present and his nervousness. When Kuroko's name was called, Kise offered Kuroko a weak smile and small pat on his back. Kuroko slowly made his way up to the front, and held his paper up so that his classmates could see.

"I drew Kise wetting his pants."

Kise's head shot up. He had been picking up stray staples and pieces of trash off the floor out of nervousness, but immediately dropped them at the mention of his name.

"Kurokocchi…?"

Kuroko repeated himself. "Kise, see, you wet your pants." He pointed to various dots and marks of yellow underneath a yellow haired stick figure.

Kise's face grew red.

"Uh, I believe dear Kuroko here was drawing Kise at the beach, right? The yellow here is the sand?" The teacher quickly intervened before any misunderstandings could start. Kuroko nodded in agreement. Unfortunately, it was too late- all the children started howling in laughter and chanting in harmony "Kise wet his pants! Kise wet his pants!"

Flustered, the teacher rose up from her chair to comfort Kise while clapping her hands to calm down the rowdy children. "Kuroko, next time, it would be better to say 'Kise got drenched in seawater'."

Kuroko nodded again in understanding, and returned to his spot in the horseshoe, where Aomine swung his arm around Kuroko's shoulders and laughed loudly. The teacher took Kise's hand and led him out of the noisy room to comfort him. "Kids, sit back in your seats! I'll be back shortly!"

The room was still in chaos as they returned to their seats. When Kise returned, his eyes were red and puffy. He sniffed as he sat down in his seat, ignoring Kuroko. In his clenched hands were balled-up tissues. Just like before, Kuroko offered Kise another tissue as his odd way of apology, which Kise flatly rejected. Kuroko made no more attempts after that. The rest of the boys remained quiet, waiting, gauging Kise's actions.

However, the silence ended shortly. The corner of Midorima's mouth twitched for the briefest second. Kagami struggled to keep his face straight, and when Kise sniffed again, he lost all control and guffawed loudly. Kise glared at Kagami, screwing his face into a fierce scowl. Even Akashi, who normally remained impervious to most jokes, had the smallest hint of a smirk on his face.

Aomine sniggered. "C'mon Kise, don't cry."

"I'm not crying."

Kise stared wide-eyed at his lap, resisting the tears that had welled up in his eyes from that _dreadful_ humiliation. His face was scrunched up and cherry red, traces of dried tears clearly on his cheeks.

"You are. It's okay, boys can cry too," Midorima sighed. His way of 'comforting' a friend was obviously not the best- Kise took it rather offensively.

"I-I'm not crying like a boy! I'm crying like a man!" Kise raised his voice. The table fell silent, only with Aomine whispering to himself, "So you _are_ crying."

Akashi broke the silence. "Kise brings up an excellent point. I think we can add it as the first rule in our book."

"Eh… pee in your pants?" Murasakibara slowly spoke up in confusion.

Kise loudly blew his nose and pointedly glowered at Murasakibara. Murasakibara chose to ignore the piercing glare directed at him.

"No, about being a man!" Akashi snapped.

And thus, the first rule in their book "100 Rules of Life" became:

**1. Be a man.**

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**A/N:** This was something I wrote in my spare time, but if people like it I'll be glad to continue!

hurhurhur


	2. quick notice

Hi guys!

I didn't expect so many people to like this, so I'll be continuing. However, I'm currently swamped by college applications and whatnot so I'll probably update around the **middle of December**. Sorry for the wait and thanks for all the reads/faves/follows/reviews!

And if you have any suggestions for rules feel free to say so :)


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